The Marriage Covenant and Its Vows

By Ron Jones ©Titus Institute 2008 (Updated 1/22/2024)

The Institution of the Marriage Covenant by God

Marriage is a universal experience of all mankind throughout history. We have all experienced its joys and blessings and its conflicts and troubles. Living together with another human being in a life-long committed relationship is not easy, but it is one of God's greatest blessings to us. Even though marriage has been around from the beginning, it seems that few fully understand its covenantal nature which God set forth at the very beginning.

The Scriptures clearly reveal that the first human beings that God created were a man and woman.

Genesis 1:27
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

This verse gives a general statement of God's creation of human beings, male and female. Gen.2:21-25 gives the details of exactly how God created Eve from Adam to provide for Adam a life partner with whom he could start a family.

Genesis 2:21-23
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept. And he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in that place. And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man."

This passage reveals that God created Adam first and then Eve. God chose to do this to show Adam that he needed someone like himself, but physically different to help him create the first family and begin the development of the human race. Then, as soon as God had created Eve, he married them together as husband and wife.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

God's plan was to create Adam and Eve to be the father and mother of the human race and of human civilization itself. He wanted them to be a model for every family that would descend from them (which would be all families that have ever and will ever exist). Genesis 2 gives a specific description of the creation of Adam and Eve, that Genesis 1:27 had described generally. God then gave them a divine mandate as the first husband and wife on the earth.

Genesis 1:28
And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

In Genesis 1 and 2, God has created and defined the first nuclear family which is the foundation of his plan for civilization. It is a man and woman who become husband and wife and then birth and raise children.

Notice, the objective wording of Genesis 2:24 quoted above. God is instituting marriage for all mankind for all ages. In Matthew 19:4, Jesus tells us that God spoke the words of Genesis 2:24. God was instituting the marriage covenant for all mankind for all ages. It is God's plan for all the descendants of Adam and Eve to build civilization on the foundation of marriage and family according to his will as revealed to Adam and Eve.

Notice also that God created the marriage covenant to be only between a man and a woman, husband and wife. God created Adam and Eve, a man and a woman, to share together in this incredible covenant. This is God's plan for every society on earth in order to prosper. So we have seen that God is the one who created marriage and God is the one who defines what marriage is.<

The Nature of the Marriage Covenant

Marriage is a covenant made between a man and a woman entered into by faith. It is an agreement, before God between a man and a woman to become husband and wife and fulfill the responsibilities God has given for a husband and wife. It is like any other covenant.

What is a covenant? A covenant is an agreement by two people to fulfill certain conditions. We don't use the word "covenant" today. We use the word "contract." Although that is a business and legal term, a covenant and a contract are the same thing. Once a covenant is made it remains in effect as long as each fulfills their part of the agreement.

A covenant is a conditional faith agreement. Each person trusts the other person to fulfill the conditions of the covenant. That faith is broken when one of the persons no longer fulfills one of the conditions of the covenant and thus breaks the covenant. A covenant by its very nature is based on trust and therefore must be entered into freely not by manipulation or duress. If one person forces or manipulates the other person who then makes the covenant it is already broken before it even began. The nature of covenants is understood by societies in general. This is how they were understood in Jewish and Roman society during the times of the Old and New Testaments.

God created marriage to be a covenant exactly as described above. The Scriptures demonstrate this very clearly. In Malachi 2:14, God speaks to Jewish husbands who were divorcing their wives because they wanted to marry other women.

Malachi 2:14
the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

Thus, they were breaking their marriage covenant by legally dissolving it in divorce. God tells these husbands that a husband who does this has been "faithless" with his wife who is "your wife by covenant." This passage from Malachi shows that God sees marriage as a faith covenant.

On their wedding day, the bride and the groom each stands before God and freely vows they will fulfill the marriage covenant they are making together. Both the bride and the groom expect the other person to fulfill certain basic conditions which we call "vows." The vows are the promises to fulfill the conditions of the marriage covenant. In making this covenant the bride and groom are vowing that they will fulfill these conditions for a lifetime in whatever circumstances they both find themselves in such as wealth or poverty, sickness or health, and happiness or sadness. Each one is vowing that he or she will never break these marriage vows thus breaking their marriage covenant. Each person is not vowing that he or she will never initiate divorce, but rather that he or she would never violate the vows of the marriage covenant. This is how God intended the marriage covenant to begin.

The Conditions of the Marriage Covenant

In Genesis 2:24 God created the marriage covenant and gave mankind a description of it. As we have seen, it says that a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. In this passage, God describes the marriage covenant and gives its central characteristics. These characteristics define what marriage is in the eyes of God. They are also conditions of the marriage covenant. When one of the characteristics is no longer true of the relationship (one of the conditions is no longer being fulfilled) by one of the spouses, the marriage covenant is broken. For example, living together is part of the marriage covenant. If two people decide to separate and no longer live together or one of the spouses leaves, the marriage covenant is broken. They are no longer fulfilling the marriage covenant.

Let's look at each of these characteristics in Genesis 2:24. I will take them in order of their mention in the verse.

The Vows of the Marriage Covenant

Marriage Vow #1

The bride and groom vow that they will live together forming their own family and sharing their lives together as husband and wife.

The bride and groom vow they will live together and share their lives together, communicating and encouraging each other on a daily basis. This first vow involves physically living together as husband and wife and sharing life's experiences together. Genesis 2:24 says, "leave and hold fast to." This implies that the husband and wife are actually living together in the same home. They both pack their bags and move in together to share their lives. They share experiences, communicate with each other and encourage each other on a daily basis. Even when they are apart, they continue to communicate and encourage each other and maintain their relationship.

Marriage Vow #2

The bride and groom vow that they will share together in romantic and sexual intimacy as husband and wife to the exclusion of all others.

This second vow involves intimacy and the sexual relationship of the husband and wife. They are to share together regularly in romantic and sexual intimacy and not share romantic or sexual intimacy with anyone else. Genesis 2:24 says, "they shall become one flesh." These words aptly describe the romantic and sexual intimacy that a husband and wife are to share in a marriage. Marriage is not just about companionship; it is also about the husband and wife enjoying sexual intimacy with each other and joining their bodies together in sexual union. The Song of Solomon in the Old Testament demonstrates this as it celebrates the love and sexual enjoyment of King Solomon and his bride. The words "they shall become one flesh" imply that they are not to join themselves in sexual union with any other person outside their marriage. They are to be faithful to each other for life.

Marriage Vow #3

The bride and groom vow that they will sacrificially love each other, centered in a genuine care and concern for each other�s welfare as husband and wife.

This third vow involves the kind of love that the husband and wife are to show to each other. This love is centered in a genuine care and concern for each other which causes husband and wife to sacrifice themselves in the pursuit of meeting each other's needs (not wants), protecting each other from harm, and living together in peace and harmony.

Marriage is a covenant of husband and wife who have been joined together by God when they held their wedding ceremony and made their vows. As Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, "What therefore God has joined together." Thus, each holds a sacred position in the life of the other and must be valued for that position. There is a recognition on the part the husband, "this is my wife and I must value her because she is my wife." There is a recognition on the part the wife, "this is my husband and I must value him because he is my husband."

Marriage Vow #4

The bride and groom vow that they will share together in supporting the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs of their family.

The bride and groom vow that they will work together to provide for their family the physical necessities of life and care for the home and any children they may have. This fourth vow involves providing a home for husband and wife and any children they may have. The husband and wife are to provide the physical necessities of life which include water, food, and clothing along with maintaining that home so that it is a safe and healthy place to live. The husband and wife are also to work together to care for and nurture their children.

God has assigned primary responsibilities for the husband and wife in these two areas which are different. The husband is to be the primary financial provider for his wife and family. The wife is to be the primary home manager for her husband and family. These roles are described by Paul the Apostle in his first letter to Timothy. In 1 Timothy 5:8 Paul states the role of the husband when he says, "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." These are strong words for the husband and father.

In the context, "his relatives" refers to widows. Paul begins with an exhortation for the sons to take care of their aged mothers if they become widows, then reinforces the responsibility of sons to take care of their own wife and children. In 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul states the role of the wife when he writes, "So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander." In encouraging younger widows to get married, he shares the role of the wife. "Managing households" in this context is taking care of the home and the children she has birthed when they are young.

Giving them these primary responsibilities does not mean that a wife cannot work and help with the finances nor does it mean that a husband doesn't have to help with the maintenance of the home and taking care of the children. As the husband's basic responsibility is met, he is to help care for and nurture the children and maintain the home. As the wife's basic responsibility is met, she can work to help financially to provide for the family.

These Biblical primary responsibilities are not given by God with a schedule of how many hours and how much energy is needed to accomplish them. It is up to the couple to decide how much time and energy it takes to accomplish these primary responsibilities and how they want to share together in accomplishing them.

The Lifelong Commitment of the Marriage Covenant

These four characteristics of the marriage covenant given by God form the four conditions and vows of marriage because they define the marriage covenant as instituted by God. On their wedding day, a man and woman are vowing or promising that they will fulfil these four conditions of marriage. They will fully participate in this marriage covenant they are making together.

When the bride and groom make these vows, they are promising that they will fulfill these vows for life no matter what they might experience in the circumstances that will surround them. They will fulfill them in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, in joy and in sorrow as long as they both shall live. Each spouse promises that he or she will fulfill these vows until death.

The Universality of the Marriage Covenant

The marriage covenant is established by God for all people in all societies. It is a covenant between a man and a woman whether or not they possess faith in Christ. God establishes marriage in Genesis 2:24 which occurs before any societies or cultures exist. It is an institution that was to be handed down from Adam and Eve to their children and to all their descendants (which is every human that has ever been born).

Notice that that the marriage covenant and its provisions in Genesis 2:24 was not instituted as part of the Mosaic Covenant. The Mosaic Covenant was given on Mount Sinai. The marriage covenant was instituted at the beginning of creation. It is therefore universal for as long as we are alive. In Matthew 22:30 Jesus taught that the marriage covenant only lasts during the time of our earthly lives. Once we are in our heavenly existence, earthly relationships change into heavenly ones. This means that as long as we are in this earthly existence the marriage covenant as God instituted it will be intact.

This is extremely important in understanding God's revelation about marriage and divorce in the Old Testament and in understanding the words of Jesus. Jesus would not have changed the marriage covenant and its provisions that he himself as God instituted. Nor would he have changed the consequent breaking and ending of the covenant which is part of the nature of the covenant itself and not something that comes later. The marriage covenant is the same in the Old and New Testament and thus God's teaching concerning it is the same and has been since its creation by God in Genesis 2:24.

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